holding onto yourself the best you can

Add my new journal...

2007-01-03T08:40:15Z

Hey everybody...
Happy New Year.
I have decided to make a new journal, I miss writing in my journal and I am getting a new camera soon so I can hopefully make some more fun and creative entries. The last year or so this journal has been for only venting, so I think its time for a fresh start!
Please add my new LJ to your friends perfectxxlie ♥♥

loveislost @ 2006-11-01T00:15:00

2006-11-01T07:15:55Z

Okay so my last entry...
I vented to Eric..and he pointed out good things...
So I have no money.... because it is going towards a house!..I should be saying "How awesome I've been saving money for my house!!!" but since its not in close enough reach yet I feel like it is just money that is vanishing for no reason..you know.. but it definitley is not. The things I am saving for, are really awesome great things for me look foward to. BIG THINGS! But it does suck when there are some little things I wish I had right now like a new phone-mine sucks ass..and some winter clothers..and just being at a comftarable balance in my account.
Also with school..its that other feeling of this isn't getting anywhere..it's like a week where you are stuck on a wednesday...you can't really start something, and its not quite friday yet. I'm in the part of school where the end doesn't look so near, but i already have two years out of the way..just hopefully if i talk to my advisor..i can get out of there on time.

So I am stressed...but I just needed to be reminded that everything is going to work out...
I have good things..and there are more things I want right now..but things will pay off in soon enough time...and hehe Eric said the little things i want such as clothes and a phone...that he will make sure somehow i get taken care of for christmas :) yay i like looking foward to christmas...so i need to remind myself what i can look foward to, and of course the cool things i already have...god...sometimes my mind just doesn't stop there is just need..need...wants...no matter how good i have it..and worry... even though things will be fine...

loveislost @ 2006-10-31T23:42:00

2006-11-01T06:42:38Z

ughh stressed

too many tests...too much hw....u of a crap....no money....gaining weight..tired all the time... no motivation
i know i was always stressed other semesters with school...and this one is not my most difficult semester.. i just feel drained... i've gotten all a's all semesters but the last one..i think i'm in a slump or burning out...for right now... i know i will make a comeback.. i really need to get a's and b's because c's are unaccpetable. i think in psy 132 i'm standing at an a, stu i should get an a, spanish and abnormal psy..i honestly have no idea and that worries me. will have to talk to the teachers after the next tests to see how i stand.

why am i like this?? why can't i just sit and do the work, and study, and find some time to excersize. i also want to apply at tmc but i would like erics mom to help me with the resume since she works there and would know what they are looking for but she will be gone for a week..so i hope the position won't be filled by then...but if it is i'm sure if i wait something else will come up... i just am now realizing how important it is to get a job there..it will definitley help me get into radiology quicker. Well I will make a short study guide hopefully then go to bed.

honestly it would be lying to say this semester is harder then others...my hardest semester was the last one...just because it was high level bio and my last math, both subjects which required a lot out of me and i didn't do too bad..and i was only taking 3 classes..so i don't know what it is. winter break will be nice and starting at the u of a will hopefully motivate me since it will be subjects for my major..but then again it's shitty classes like research methods and statistics in psy! EW. But just the feel there..makes me belive i will be motivated..i hope so...

i just have absolutley no money. i need winter clothes. i need to save for moving out/wedding. i want to save for a stationary bike so i will excersize without having to go to the shitty gym. And it just is very hard to do that right now. I'm still not recovering my bank account because of stupid car shit, and needing a new computer moniter. I need money already!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH i'm going nuts.

loveislost @ 2006-09-27T00:33:00

2006-09-27T07:34:28Z

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

mess

2006-09-20T21:11:43Z

my room is a mess. and mosquitos are eating me alive...i want to kill them, but i am afraid of killing bugs cos i hate their nasty guts. then i saw a huge roach sized cricket yesterday, with as ocd with chemicals and cleaning and spraying as my mom is i never see bugs..but its our stupid water heater problem brought them in, it was leaking into my moms room and had to be replaced, AHH. anyway two test coming up, and i am so behind on reading, especially for abnormal- will work on it though. i have the weekend. i may not be able to get on the base..and go to..my job..cos i can't find my registration and they don't like my base sticker because it is "faded" but i can't get a new sticker without showing them my id and registration..well my dad would be the only one to send me a new copy of my FLORIDA registration and he happens to be in GERMANY. great. yeah. so hopefully i can just sneak myself into the base for awhile.
ehhh
my house is pretty much complete, i haven't seen the complete version because they won't let you walk in without an appt, because of the carpet they don't want ruined before you move in. kent will be living in there soon..i wish i could, but this is the next best thing. just a year and a half and i will be in my new home, with eric as my husband :). i love the house, i hope kent keeps it just like new by the time i get to be in it. yay...
anyway gotta start cleaning my room or homework..

loveislost @ 2006-09-15T11:59:00

2006-09-15T19:10:39Z

This is from the disneyland trip me and eric took in march really quickly, it was on the same camera as my trip from august! *my hair was brown*
August trip, us in our hotel room
Peter pan ride. I was proposed to inside the ride, where it is all starry!

the beach
we took a lot more pictures but disposables sucks. should have used the digi cam more, but the batteries died after maybe 20 minutes of use!
Anyway gotta go to work in about an hour.
Trying to figure out U of A stuff, I'm not too happy with the transition, but I need to do this while I wait for Rad Tech, maybe I will like it a lot, I like the atmosphere, I am just worried about the 200 people sized classes, and the terrible parking. Haha It will be okay!
Erics brother Andre is going to take engagement pictures for us...I'm excited, I bought a cute cream colored lacy dress to wear. I am fatter than ever though, but I kind of don't care, maybe the camera can work its magic..I doubt I can lose any weight in like a week, especially when I'm not trying haha.

<3

celeb look alikes

2006-09-06T01:42:00Z

*ha, i have been told thora birch and michelle branch (i don't think michelle branch is pretty though : / ). The rest are new to me! Lucille Ball? uh okay. I have been told I look like Lana from smallville (i should probably look her up cos i don't remember who she is), christina ricci, and mandy moore (hmm?). Hehe.

everything is falling in place

2006-08-15T22:02:53Z

so i am back from california and that was wonderful...
Eric proposed to me on the Peter Pan ride! I was not expecting that at all! My ring is goregous! More than I expected. I tried to take pictures but my flash is really annoying! Eric's dad took pictures so maybe he can send them to me!
We also found a renter for our house. Trevor's brother, Kent! Kent was going to rent out the house Cristy bought, but she did not want to go through with it. Me and Eric decided to rent the house for a year or a year and half, then when we are married we can live in it. We decided we would get married spring or summer of 08. So we will most likely rent the house out for 18 monthes. It works out perfeclty...The thing is we were going to rent out our house for about 1000 a month...and pay on the other 650...but Kent was going to rent Cristy's for 850 a month. We trust Kent..so we will give him the same offer, even though our house is bigger than Cristy's. It would be worth the extra 200 dollars to have someone we trust taking care of the house until me and eric are married! I would love to be married to Eric the summer of 07 since that is my next school break..but it would be worth it to wait 8 or 9 months longer. We wouldn't have our house..and it wouldn't be a good start on our marriage to live with our parents for like 5 monthes or so until Kent is done renting. And it would not be logical to move in now..by renting it..we can save the commission money for the first couple years where we will be struggling with money..but soon from that time I will be in Rad Tech and Eric will get a raise. Everything is just coming together. I couldn't be happier.
Oh and speaking of Rad Tech..I went and bought my books today...cost more than what my dad happened to give me, ouch but not so much more that i should ask him to send me some money to cover it..ya know. Hehe..well I decided I may as well take that damn reading test. It took like 30 minutes..when I got out..the woman at the counter told me "You did a great job!" which, was very nice of her..she could have easily just given me my results without complimenting me. It made me feel really good, I got a 94, when I need a 90. I felt so happy...I seriously thought things would not turn out as well and that i would still be stuck..with everything done..just this dumb reading assestment holding me back. So now I will get my application and can hopefully get in during 09. Of course before then would be awesome..but I was applying for 08..and yeah didn't happen.
So I am happy where I am in life, it sucks that I can't go out to eat or to movies or basically spend money because of the house..but I will realize how much it will be worth it when it is finally for just us to be in.
this is the only pic from my digital of cali...well i took some of ducks..but maybe for another post hehe..i had to use my disposable most of the time because my digital kills batteries after one use...lame.
Here is a pic of my lovely FIANCE in NY.

I will put more cali pics soon hopefully..have to finnish another disposable cam..Pic Cds!

crazy

2006-08-01T03:21:41Z

Me and Eric just bought an amazing house! His dad called us yesterday morning and said he had a good deal for us...we looked at the houses..and he asked if we wanted it. We had to sign that day in order to get the incentives...so we did. The house is absolutley gorgeous..well it isn't even done being built..but I can see how it will look when the tile and carpet is added. We chose out colors today. His dad is giving us the comission he is making on the house to help us with the payments that if we use most of our money we should be able to pay the house and use his money for a year or two years. The only thing is...If we lived in the house right now...money would be so tight. So today I told Eric...we should just pay the house payment, because before we were thinking we will need to pay utilities, groceries, cable (land line phone, cable modem) etc..and it would be very hard. So we are not going to live there. We are going to save for a fridge, and the house payments..then when we have enough extra money we will move in there.
I'm hoping we can move in after we are married, that would be wonderful. It is seriously my dream home, Eric's parents were saying, hey if you decide it is too hard to afford, which it is, but we are going to make it work, it is the perfect place for us. But they say, if we don't want to do it anymore, we sell it and we are going to make a lot of money from it. The house is worth 320,000. Cristy's friend just bought one for that price. Since they were trying to get rid of the last few houses and move on to more subdivisions..we got the house for 230,000! Which we can barely afford, but Eric's dad is going to give us commission. And now I need to really retake reading and apply for rad tech. Cos I need that full time job..making 20 an hour to make this work, in fact it would be easy if we could have bought this home a couple years from now, but the deal was too good to pass up, so we are going to have to just really try to make it work. I can't wait when we are ready to live in it, but for now it will just be there waiting for us..while we pay on it..but we still save money by not having to live in it yet, which will hopefully tide us over longer until we can afford it all better! I think it was a good decision, I want to do all I can to have this home, it is perfect for us and even to raise a family in later, we will never have to move, we can be there all our lives. So I am very happy yet nervous on how we are going to do it. But Eric said, his dad is his employer..and he would not have done this for us if he thought it couldn't be done.

loveislost @ 2006-07-23T21:47:00

2006-07-24T04:57:06Z

Here's the RULES:
1. Pick your birth month.
2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you. (I just left them as they were.)
3. Bold the ones that best apply to you.
4. Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a cut.

JANUARY:
~~Stubborn and hard-hearted~~. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. ~~Likes to criticize~~. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and ~~organized.~~ ~~Sensitive~~ and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. ~~Loves children.~~ Loyal. ~~Has great social abilities yet easily jealous.~~ ~~Very stubborn~~ and money cautious.

IN GENERAL..MOST TIMES..like I'm ambitious..but do not always act on those ambitions hehe.
Your turn.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but those not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

me..the world...

2006-07-20T04:51:35Z

soo i've had 4 days off, and when eric is asleep..until like 3 or 4 i have had absolutley nothing to do cos i know everyone is working. so i think i will have to ask for more shifts..my vcr is broken so i don't get any channels in my room, and all i have is the computer and the pool to entertain me hehe.

anyway lots of depressing shit in the news...israel, whom are also being critized for attacking lebanon, yes innocent people will die..but Hezbollah is there, and uh no there are not going to be peaceful negotiations..they want israel (jews) dead and ahh just all the things that happen..there is going to be worse to come. i remember in elementry school my 3rd grade teacher said she hopes but believes we wouldn't see a world war in our lifetime..i bet it will come though. if not the world is going to be screwed in several years because of religious differences. oh and bush vetoing the stem cell research to DISCARDED embryos is completley retarded. I mean I stand by a lot of Bush's decisions..but I can not agree at all, this woman on talk radio I heard was saying it is not something that is the government's business, she was republican, so she isn't biased at all, if research can be done with DISCARDED embryos, it would better us, but its not something the government should look over...if the government controlled what methods could improve science or our health...we would not progress..and ahh just all this stuff she was saying, was kind of extreme, but its in a lot of ways true...and eric said.."i get shot in the head..i die...my heart is a 23 year old healthy male heart, and someone needs a heart..let them use it, if not there are potential things on me that could help people, and i am not going to exsist anyway...these discarded embryos aren't going to exsist anyway....so if they can better people then let research be done." But yeah I don't think someone should go and get an abortion for not having safe sex and act like a saint for it..well me doing this will help better science..that isn't very moral, but hey its the person's body..and not my business, I think abortion is wrong..to an extent..but I would never want it banned..because of rape victims, and i mean yes some of those aborted babies could have been great people, but if they don't exsist we won't know, and it might be better if the parents did not want to carry the baby. Adoption would be a good option, but i'm sure young girls feel trapped and its the best way for them to move on with their lives. Sure some will use it like a method of birth control, wrong but it is a right that shouldn't be banned. I am just ranting...so if its unclear yeah. Just thought I would vent, but hey we live in America, which is great..but it also means we don't want to hear any of this, which is me most of the time..because the world is going to someday be doomed. I completley agree with Eric when we were talking about global warming, that the human race will kill off the human race before everything melts and kills us off.

This is all cynical..but at least I have my good life and can keep my mind off things with friends, eric, movies, the internet..but I know you have to pay attention somewhat..and er it just sucks what you hear.
anyway now for my own problems hehe..not much going on besides the boredom once in a while..i just bet that the time i ask for extra shifts everyone else will have days off, or i will actually have things to do. haha always happens that way. I need to call my dad, I keep forgetting. I also want to spend money on clothes..but Cali is coming up to close and I'm already broke!!!! I watched some special on Disney World, I want to go back, I was little when I went..but it is so huge and amazing..I want to go there for vacation sometime, and stay in one of the resorts on one of the parks..and have enough time to see a lot of it!!! Someday!

summer

2006-07-17T23:01:00Z

so far summer has been good, i got an a in my spanish class, and went to florida. florida was nice, the waves at the beach the second time though were so intense! i was sick for the first few days..so that kinda sucked, but besides that i ate yummy food, and met more of jan's family, and it was all fun. since ive been back, i worked, and have been hanging out with eric mostly. i am really lazy today, i got up just a couple of hours ago. after this i am going to go swimming, i should have gone earlier though, cos the neighbors are so fakey and you have to be polite, but when you go early no one is there. yeah haha. i get to go to cali in about 3 weeks. i want to get my hair highlighted before then, my summer goals of weight, being tan, getting my hair done etc were to look my best before cali. i did lose weight right when school got out, but with vacation and near the end of summer school i have gained some back. so back to exersizing, but im happy, i'm tan, and even if i dont colour my hair i am happy with it, i just think blonde w/ black would be cool.
well i need to either save up very well or work extra, california is going to be expensive, but i guess even if my bank account has less than half of what it has now after i get back it will all be worth it, and money is also to have fun with, right?..i am just kind of cheap with it cos i want to save towards moving out and being with eric ♥
gonna head for the pool now!

FUCK BANK OF AMERICA

2006-06-19T05:32:18Z

I've been getting 20 dollars taken out for the last three monthes..for a maintence fee i have never had before..well I just noticed it this month..and went back to see if it has happened before, and it did starting in april... WTF!!!!!!!!
HATE HATE HATE this bank. I am going to take my money out, but it is so much effort :/..i'd have to find a bank that doesn't suck..get a new direct deposit thingy, new checks...etc wherever i chose. So i will get them to reimburse me first and then look into other banks. I'm thinking I like how Compass sounds. GRR

I WANT SOME DAMN ICECREAM

2006-06-16T03:30:46Z

Yah thats right! Hmm I learned a very important thing..which well i already knew.. but on tyra..carnie wilson said..you don't gain much weight from hunger..just the hunger in your head..so yeah i just gotta tell myself to shut up. But I want some icecream right now and then I will work on that. I dropped my computer class...there were 8 assignments online, with vaugue or totally long and vague instructions. the assignments were more like projects!!! and there was a paper..for a one credit class uh yah right. But I will take it with an instructor next summer. My spanish class is going super..I got a 91 on my last quiz..i would have done well on this quiz..which i do not know my score yet..but after turning it in..i realized i used the uds. form when i was supposed to you the tu form!!! SHIT SHIT. But all five quizes are 25% of my grade so if I have a couple that aren't really good, I will still be okay. Of the two I have had I have had a 79 and a 91..so thats about an 85% average..I hope it stay around there or gets better.
I need new bathing suits..and I find cute ones at target..but they will have the top in small..but no bottums in small! GRR! Anyway its thursday and eric got to work early and is going to hang out with me yay!!! Next week I am going to start my swimming in the morning 20 laps routine again and crunches and hopefully not eat so much, I just am not this week..cos its that time of the month..well for me its every 2 and a half monthes cos that is how I do.
Anyway I think I should add some musica to my ipod. I have 2 weeks of school left, well 3, but the last week is only one day of class..then that weekend off to florida. i hate my work schedule right now it is so lame..but it will be all over with when i don't have school blocking up time!

I will have my associates at the end of december! yay. And am retaking the reading assesment and hopefully can apply for rad tech. Which I am not going to worry about time anymore..as long as I am doing something in school, its for the better. I just hate the delays. but nothing I can do about it. Anyway I guess I am done...eric says we can get icecream when he comes over. YAY!
OH I need to dye my hair back to black cos the red tint is getting on my nerves. And i need to do my nails...before they get so long and break off or get more demented!!!!! HAH

picture update

2006-06-06T03:51:21Z

black and white dress

ashleys bday!

me and eric

mi familia

now time for hw :(
panic! at the disco tomorrow
i'm in the mood to shop some more
saw my old friend aida on sunday it was nice :)
o and i keep getting fatter...i have taken so many pics i have to delete because i appear to be 40 pounds heavier..which i am heavier but damn i thought cameras only added ten pounds!
that's all for now♥
oh yeah and summer school sucks.

fucking pima

2006-06-01T05:15:29Z

So I was wondering what the hell happened to my Rad Tech Application. This woman calls and tells me I do not meet the requirements and I tell her I have everything, is it my CSA? I was told I don't need CSA to apply just to finnish while in the program. She tells me, you will need to speak with an advisor. WTF. Then she calls again, you need to take the reading assesment over, you scored 86 we want 90 or above. WTF. I have seen so many advisors and no one told me oh before you apply retake your reading, so I always assumed I must have scored 90 or above. No one has told me anything of all the times I have come in for advice for Rad Tech. So on the phone I tell her, I will retake it today and reapply, she rudely tells me "Even if you do, it looks like you won't get in until 09 or 2010, the 2008 applications are almost filled up." Well if I would have known to fix my reading score, I could have solved this problem monthes ago and be on the waiting list by now. So I was bawling cos it as big set back for me, having to wait til 08 was crazy enough, taking summer school and working my ass off in biology, all I have done and I do not meet the requirements. After spanish class I went to take the reading assesetment. I chose very logical answers, I get my results..its an 86 again. I look really pissed and the woman tells me "Why are you retaking the test, you met the general education requirements, that is a good score." "Not for Rad Tech, I needed a 90." "You have to wait 30 days to take it again...or enroll in reading 112" She tells me. OKAY THIS IS RETARDED! A 90? I have to get an A on it? I was short by 4? I have taken Hum261 with an A, Psychology with an A, Sociology with an A, Wrt102 with an A, Bio 201 and 202 with an A and a B. I think it is pretty damn obvious I can read at an above average level considering these classes required a lot of it. I suck at assesments, even though an 86 is perfectly acceptable they want a 90 and I can't try again until 30 days. By then it will probably be 2010 I can get in from the way they act. I will keep taking it until I get a 90 or above though, I am not taking some damn reading class, it would be a total waste of my time. I just feel so screwed over, I had everything ready, and every advisor told me I was ready. And for some assesment that I could have taken over in 30 minutes and even if I didn't pass, I could redue in a month and fix the problem, I could have fixed this monthes ago!!! But no, one small technicality is holding me back for another couple of years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder if it is worth it, for now I will focus on my classes then pscyhology until I can apply, maybe I will keep going to school for psy, and if it comes sooner than expected I will still do Rad Tech, but who knows if I have to wait that long I might have my BA and find a job that I will like. Its just for so long since I started college I wasn't sure what to do, then I had a plan that worked very well, do psy, then do rad tech the summer of 08 and now it is all fucked up and I know I am still young but I want so many things, and making 8 dollars an hour isn't going to cut it, I need an education but it seems I will be in school until I am almost 30.

I hate setbacks, especially when everything looked fine. And after the assesment you can't see what you missed, what if I end up second guessing myself now, I will remember what I chose but I do not know what is right or wrong.
Whatever I just have to act like I don't care then when I do pass sign up and see where it goes from there. I just want to yell at whoever runs the program and say "Look at my grades, I am fine at reading okay. Obviously this assesment does not show my level accuratley." And they don't I was in Precal and did terrible on the assesment. I ended up in some classes I could sleep through and pass. I hate doing the same shit over and over again, my highschool education seems to not count as anything, I took a great english class with Harkin, my senior english class was more difficult than both my writing classes, yet I was still forced to take them and it was so easy. Spanish, I've done spanish, I start from the beginning again at college. I did the same math I have already done, I am taking computers again because Rad Tech doesn't like my other computer credits *college credits that are pretty much equivlant but they don't care*. And thankfully I was the class of 2004, but now you have to past the aims test in order to graduate. SO GRADES DON'T HOLD ANY MEANING THEN? OBVIOUSLY NOT. I HAVE GREAT GRADES IN UPPER LEVEL CLASSES AND AM ADVISED TO TAKE READING! FUCK ASSESMENTS. I do well on them, but not as well enough for them. My plans are all fucked up, first my summer class, now this. GOD. I have cried so much today. Any suggestions on a career? Or is a couple more years a quicker way out of school then changing my major entirely?

FUCK FUCK

new schedule, and lots of stuff

2006-05-31T06:46:29Z

wow today was hecktic. my summer class was cancelled, after running around trying to figure out if they changed the room number i was told it was cancelled. but i want all my spanish done before the u of a and i dont want to be at pima for 3 years before that happens, ive been there for 2 years and was was planning for fall to be my last semester that way i got my associates only a semester late. so now i am taking a spanish class from 1230-320..it sucks.. i had to go to work at 330 today, i was only ten minutes late, and my manager told me i had a choice..i can work 2 hours on monday, and 2 hours on thursday or work 4 hours on sunday. I know it is retarded to only work for 2 hours but I love my sundays open.
So my weird schedule, well at least for a month, will be this...
m. spa 1230-320 work 530-730, spanish homework and make time for online class
t. spa 1230-320 , spanish hw and make time for online class
w. same as tuesday
th. same as monday
f. 11-730 work
s. 9-530 work
sun. off

So for the month of june I will have no life, sorry..it sucks i had my schedule perfect before my spanish class got out really early so no fucked up work schedule and even some time for tanning and the rest of the day for csa and spanish. now i need to get my work done right after class or in the morning. ugh. and i have forgotten so much spanish, usually i feel like the person in the class that somehow already knows more than what is expected, but today all i could do was draw blanks. hopefully it comes back to me. i changed my fall schedule to take this same spanish instructor, cos i will get use to her techniques and i dont want to be all thrown off by cooper after already trying to get back to understanding it.
anyway i am way tired, and a little stressed about the next four weeks, but i just gotta work hard and get through it, i dont think excersize will be easy..which really is disapointing, grr. maybe sundays i will have to force myself, but if not i can just try to keep so busy i can't eat like a pig, but i tend to eat more under stress.
ashley's bday is coming up, yay something for me to look fwd to this weekend! oh and sometime i think in early july me ash jack eric and his familia are going to to imax to see superman returns yay i have so much fun with all of them
and then there is a panic at the disco concert on the 6th. so i will have a few fun things during the few weeks of torment.
oh and after my two summer classes, i will have 2 vacations to go to! my dad is flying me out to florida from july 8th-12th yay! and then about a month later me and eric booked our hotel reservations to cali for the 6th-11th of august. I can't wait when more fun things are approaching. and my fall semester will be somewhat busy, but i think one of my more laid back ones in comparison, so that is good.

anyway enough about school, oh yah on sunday me and eric just were driving and listening to music and went on speedway past silverbell on some little road that goes around hills, and these 3 guys on motorcycles were tailgaiting us and we were going a good speed over the speed limit so we start to slow down cos its obvious they are going to try to pass us, well one guy as he is passing us is going super fast and the road is curving, he tries to steer fast but there is dirt on the road that catches his tires and he flies off his bike into the desert. so we pulled over and called 911, my phone was the only one that had reception, we found out the cross streets, but the operators kept transfering us, if the guy was seriously hurt he would be so screwed!!! they kept transferring us cos they didnt know those streets..and came like 30 minutes later, not cool. but it was kind of a waste of my time cos the guy said he was okay and wasn't thankful for any of our help but we felt obligated to pull over and stick around plus he was sitting on my bumper and i didn't want to be like "yah, dude that flew off your bike..gtg." so that was some unpleasentness.but help came and we finally left. that is what happens when you show off and act like a moron on your bike, at least he had a helmet or he would have been screwed, i did feel kind of bad though, but i can tell he was jerk anyhow. so that is my long ass updation! and there probably won't be one for awhile.

loveislost @ 2006-05-25T14:40:00

2006-05-25T22:00:12Z

I have a lot of company over right now. My dad is in town only for a couple more days and my aunt and her daughter just arrived yesterday and will stay for two weeks. I like company, but it is also kind of frustrating, I have things I want to do, like go swimming and excersizing and hang out with my friends, but I need to be around the house more for them. You can't really just do whatever you want, but I think when they are adjusted for a couple more days it won't be rude of me to go off and do my own things.
My dad got me my books for my summer classes. I guess my Spanish teacher is pretty hardcore, according to Cristy. So with that an and online class, I don't know about taking belly dancing classes anymore. I will try out the first week of school and see how well I can manage my time.
I got my hair cut pretty short, it looks cute, will look better a little longer though. And since I am not use to it I kinda have trouble after a shower blowdrying it without it going in different directions!
I need a mani and pedi before class. Losing weight isn't happening yet, need to excersize and eat less, but i have so much in my face right now with my dad taking me out to eat and my mom cooking a lot right now, so I am eating like a pig, but at least my bank account isn't suffereing, most of the time if there is nothing to eat at the house i spend plenty of my money on buying food.
Well that is all for now :)

loveislost @ 2006-05-17T23:52:00

2006-05-18T07:01:45Z

finally that semester finished! well it did on thursday for me, but man was it sucking haha. i got an a and two bs. anyway ive been tanning and excersizing a little, then i work a little but its been nice. i have spanish 201 and csa 100 to take this summer though. i might take a belly dancing class also! i have been in the mood to do stuff that takes energy..strange! such as i went swimming and did ten laps at kingas apartment then at erics house used his stationary bike..and i went to the gym a couple of times since the semester finnished.
i hope de la rosa posts the grades for bio soon cos i want to apply for rad tech asap so i can get in asap.
my dad and aunt are both coming down next week. i talked to my dad and he seemed kinda bummed out hope he is not so much anymore. so i will be pretty busy this summer with trying to get in shape, classes, then trips once i am done with my summer classes. eric is going to new york at the end of june i am jealous!
anyway things have been so far so good laltey, i just hope to apply to rad tech soon and that my dad is in more cheery mood when he visits. cos he will only be here for four days and 2 of them i will be working :/ but i cant take the time off or i wont get to visit florida.
oh man elliot went home tonight, i loved elliot..some say he has no personality but i think he just seems normal and laid back, not fake at all, and a good person. but his voice is awesome! i know taylor is going to win though, eric cracked me up he said "I feel like America is playing a trick on me and everyone is on it but me. Wait..you wan't Taylor to win! HAHAHAHAHA...you all are joking right....??? NO?? HAHA YOU GUYS ARE FUNNY! Its a joke right??? No?? I'm confused."
anyway...that is all for now i guess...

gawd im bored!

2006-05-05T05:35:47Z

ive burned so much music..danced to music..wthhh omg haha
we're having eric's sissy and her husband over for dinner tomorrow night, they did a sweet thing for eric, gave him a card with $150 to help us plan our future whether toward his engangement that he will someday give me, taking me out to eat when we are low on money, whatever he wants that can help us, cos we want to be together so much but money is just always an issue.
i thought it was sweet♥
school is almost over....GAWD its driving me nuts.
my dad is visiting the 24th..also my aunt and her daugheter...and casey!! okay that is going to be odd! the more the merrier though i guess..i just never get to see a lot of them so it will be hard to divide time :(

anyway i wanna tan and go to the gym when my classes are done! sounds like fun to me! i want to do something...like a class...yoga..dance..or something...but who knows when i had classes offered at miss fit i never went..but that is why i only want some class that will go for a few weeks..then it is over and no commitment to pay them for ever and ever and only go like once a month!

pics:
dancing and taking pics. entertaining for like hmm 10 minutes.
me and eric...around christmas..we have no new pics :(

loveislost @ 2006-05-03T09:15:00

2006-05-03T16:18:21Z

finals suck. i have one monday and one thursday... :( and still math hw and art class to go to. only a week though right?? but then two weeks later is summer school, i'm not too worried about it though..its only from 8-10:40 and hopefully i remember some spanish. summer will be nice though :) and me and eric better go to california when summer school gets out..but he is thinking he won't be able to :(. we shall see though. anyway i should get ready for clase.

loveislost @ 2006-04-03T20:41:00

2006-04-04T03:54:47Z

sorry no updates latley, been pretty busy with school. i finally did well on a bio test yay, and i am just waiting for this semester to end, counting down the tests in each class...2 tests to go and 2 quizes to go in bio. i figured out my fall schedule for the most part. i can't wait for the semester to end, i hardly have anytime to hang out with friends, and i want to go swimming! i will take spa 201 this summer but my class is only until 11:30 so i will still get to chill. no one comments on myspace or writes in lj boo. maybe i should start calling people....

i lost weight, like 5 pounds, 111-106. but after i went to cali, i slacked off and now i am at 109..great gotta fix that! i'm thinking i should make a sperate journal to complain about that shit cos im sure everyone is sick of hearing about it haha but it is my journal so whatev. i need new music to put in my ipod and car..any suggestions?

anywayssss....brokeback mountain comes out tomorrow yay, have crash and giesha but still have not watched them! are there any movies coming out i want to see..maybe scary movie 4...there are no good movies lately!

tomorrow gotta go to a doctors apt, to meet my new dr...right..then i am going to go to the gym, go to the tanning salon, and then grocery shopping. peoples call me or comment on me on myspace if you wanna hang out or anything

<3

American Idol

2006-02-15T05:38:45Z

Everyone watch for Crystal Starks on American Idol. The only one from AZ left! Eric went out with her and was really close to her in highschool! She is a cool girl and really talented! look for her on tv and support her if she makes it through!!!!! Unfortunatly they haven't showed much of her because instead they show the dramatic people who get cut, but shes had some appearances :)
http://www.azstarnet.com/sn/ent_index/115163

been gone for a while

2006-02-14T06:48:28Z

well my life is kind of a complicated mess right now but i just hope everything will get better. eventually things have to get better though. so much worry, but lately i've been able to keep my mind off of stuff. i cry a lot, and blah. and i am not doing as good in school but i know i'm passing at least. sometimes i just want to be a vegetable on my bed..its like one of the best places, up there with disneyland and florida!
but anyway today was pretty good, i went to see eric and made his no bake cheesecake for him for valentines day, hopefully i didn't fuck it up hehe. i ate a mcdonalds salad today..they are good! i am motivated to eat less..but eating less doesnt do much without excersize so i hope to go walking soon with eric...maybe the gym..but i dont know i get motivated to go but something always comes up and it kinda just makes me feel really unaccomplished. i am at my heighest weight, i'm pale, and my highlights are like 2 inches grown out..my hair is too long.. and i'm super stressed so that sucks!! i need a hair cut, some whitening for my teeth, and some lotion for the tanning bed. eric thinks i will never be happy though...well i will be happy to lose weight..i've never lost weight in my life cos i use to just stay at about 99-102 without trying, i have only gained..and i keep gaining. i know i wasnt happy when i was 105...but now i am 111, and 105 will be a start, and right now i think 105 would make me happy but i was 105 at one time feeling like i needed to lose weight..so i guess i will only be happy between 95-100. eek. that will never happen..but the only thing stopping me..is my cravings for wonderful food...haha....

i always write about wanting to lose weight. i will not write about weight until i actually lose like 5 pounds..as to complaining about wanting to lose 5 pounds! i know that gets old, so until it happens i will shut up, but i can't wait to brag when i do! if i do..i will!!!!

well i just want my life to feel more together soon and i will work on that as much as i can. i broke down at work a couple weeks ago, and the customer in my line kept saying she would pray for me..it still touches me and almost brings me to tears thinking about it, i don't believe in god, but it was just the sincirity that she wanted things to be okay for me, and would do what she could, even though i don't belive in prayer..its just the thoughtfulness of it...
this is really random post..but i guess my thoughts are kind of scattered lately
happy valentines- i love u all <3

loveislost @ 2006-01-30T21:07:00

2006-01-31T04:13:40Z

i really really love eric...he is always there for me. and he always makes me feel like the best person ever. i dunno i always have fun with my baby..like all we did yesterday was eat pei wei and go to target and it was so fun. then the night before he watched brokeback mountain with me..even though he refused too! but i am going to see the movie he wants to see..underworld 2 or something :) i dunno i just enjoy him so much. it really is having a best friend, but one who is sexy and will cuddle with you. haha. anyways i am making brownies now and avoiding hw and listening to lots of music....its nice..but gotta do the hw at some point..grr.